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I answered before Liv was forced to rescind her offer. “Actually, I have to deal with my car today. Thank you, though,” I said, sounding distant. Liv looked surprised.
As I drove to school, I was pissed, for the first time since everything happened. In the confines of my car, where no one could know what I was feeling, I indulged in waves of resentment aimed at Novak and Victoria. It was followed by anger at the entire group for blocking me out. I had willingly taken on the dishonor they all seemed to think I should feel, but what had I really done to deserve being cut out and told to sink or swim?
After weeks of being a ghost, I recognized myself again. Defiance felt so much better than shame.
“John?”
The group of boys turned in unison. John looked surprised by my use of his name. It felt strange to say it out loud for the first time.
“Hi,” he said after a brief pause. I could feel his friends looking back and forth between us.
“I was…” I felt my cheeks turn flame red. “Can you possibly give me a ride home?”
“Of course,” he said without any hesitation. It must have been fairly obvious to everyone present that I had a million other options for a ride home.
“Thank you. I’ll meet you here after practice.” For one microsecond we paused the way you do when you have either a crush on someone or something unspoken between you. I turned and began to walk away slowly, tuned into his thoughts, knowing he was thinking how startlingly blue my eyes were. He liked all my contrasts—bright blue eyes against black hair, tattoos and tennis outfit. He even loved my voice. I heard him remind himself not to stare like everyone else did.
I felt John turn back to his group, waiting for the coach, trying to act casual, like this happened every day—an untouchable Jaynes asking for a ride home. He steeled himself, ready to catch shit, hoping they would have the decency to be quiet so I wouldn’t overhear, which of course I did.
I stole a glance behind me. Their faces were surprised and full of admiration. It took a second for someone to go first. Then, “What’s Sarah going to think?”
I heard him blow it off. “She just needs a ride.”
“You talk to her?” This was said in an incredulous tone.
I could tell he didn’t know how to answer. We knew each other, but we’d barely spoken. He was thinking about how I hadn’t been in class that morning and how he didn’t like that he felt disappointed when I didn’t show. He’d wanted to see me after what happened at the courts yesterday—to see if my rash was gone, to see if we were now on speaking terms. He told himself he only wanted to see me to get answers and be reassured, that while I may have been a billionaire’s daughter, I was a regular person in all the ways that mattered and he could let go of what had been nagging at him.
“We have English together,” he said, as if this explained things.
“Damn. I didn’t know she’d even lower herself to talk to the masses.”
“Looks like she’s into Ford.”
“She’s not,” he said.
“Was she arrested when you were?”
He must have nodded.
“They shared a love of breaking the law…,” someone started in.
John laughed. “I have a girlfriend.” I couldn’t believe I felt annoyed when he said that.
I knew John had feelings for his girlfriend. I’d stumbled on them today, sitting with their friends in front of the library. When I saw her—Sarah Navarro, I’d discovered—sitting in his lap, John playing with her hair unconsciously, I knew she had to go. It wasn’t because I was jealous. It was because I felt she shouldn’t get away with cheating on him anymore while lying to his face. This morning Liv had given me an idea of how to take care of John’s problem when she asked if I needed a ride.
After practice I stood apart from everyone else while I waited for him, absentmindedly twirling my racket, making it spin magically on its own for just a few seconds before anyone noticed. The other girls hung out on the bleachers, always aware of me but of course not speaking to me.
“Hey.” John’s voice was soft when he approached.
“Hi.” I looked up and our eyes met. “Thank you again for driving me,” I said. “I was in an accident yesterday and my car is more messed up than I thought. Anyway…”
“Was it after tennis?” he asked. I nodded. “Are you okay?”
That was kind. “Fine. Just got rear-ended. Are you ready?” We were on a timeline.
“Sorry it took so long, I had to shower real quick.” He looked at me still in my tennis clothes.
Besides the front of my white tank top being damp, I’d fared okay despite playing hard on a concrete court in full sun. I hadn’t bothered to change. It was convenient having a higher tolerance for heat. And pollution. And toxins. “I’m ready.”
Oh God. In her tennis outfit, in my car.
It took me a second to recover. I wasn’t used to knowing John was attracted to me. I felt shy about it, but it was also the first time in my life I’d felt that kind of power.
We walked silently next to each other to the parking lot. I was petite next to him, the top of my head coming to just above his shoulder. I knew he was gearing up to confront me about Barton Springs but he didn’t feel he could just blurt it out. I used that to my advantage, doing my best to act like we were past that and I was just a girl from school who needed a ride. I knew he was less wary of me now. The stranger details from that day had faded for him. He wanted me to explain it all away.
I felt him checking out my gear—bag, racket, top-of-the-line shoes. I could tell his stuff was decent as well—it had to be, since he played so much—but it was worn.
“Can I carry anything?” he asked.
“Oh, no, I’ve got it.”
Stop acting like you’re going on a first date.
I laughed under my breath. “What?” he asked, suddenly paranoid that his nervousness was apparent.
“Oh, nothing. I was just thinking I should have showered. I’m sorry I’m going to get your seat all wet.”
“No one should shower in the locker rooms unless they absolutely have to.” He smiled.
“I know. It’s really disgusting. So, you just joined the team?” I felt his surprise that I was capable of casual conversation.
“I did. It’s supposed to be temporary. To work on my shoulder. We’ll see,” he said.
“You were at a tennis academy in Florida,” I stated. He looked over at me.
“People talk.” I shrugged.
“I was there last year.”
“Only for one year?”
We had reached his car. Now I felt his anxiety about how old and beat up his car would seem to me.
“Here—your door—I have to open it from the inside, and then the hinge is kind of broken, so you have to lift it up as you close it.” He managed to sound matter-of-fact.
“Okay,” I said. He let me in, and I took the big step up into the Explorer and did exactly what he’d instructed with the door like it was no big deal.
John started the car and turned the blaring radio way down. He was praying his car didn’t smell like sweat and that the air conditioner worked.
“Your car smells like shampoo,” I said, accidentally in answer.
“Good. I was worrying it smelled like sweat.”
“Like your friends in English?” I laughed. He just looked at me for a moment.
That’s when you can tell she’s one of them—that glow.
Wow. I was so relieved we were in a car and we could mostly look straight ahead instead of at each other. It took the pressure off.
“Yeah, exactly like those guys.” Breathe, jackass.
“So, the academy…?” I prompted.
“Oh. It was…crazy. I didn’t perform as well as expected, and then I got injured, so…” Jesus, why am I telling her this? Nobody asks me about last year.
“Were a lot of people better than you?”
He laughed in surprise. I hadn’t meant to be mean.
“No, that’s okay. Most of them were better. I ended up playing with the best girls a lot.”
“You make that sound like such a terrible thing,” I teased, and brushed my hair away from my face. That sounded a little too flirty. I was surprised how easy I was finding it to talk to him.
I hope I haven’t offended her. “I know, it sounds bad, but I don’t mean it like that. It’s just when you have an odd number, the weakest player has to play matches, so I ended up playing the number one girl, who was great, but…” Shut up, John.
“Uh-huh” was all I said, to make him squirm.
“I think it has something to do with muscle mass….”
“Are you digging yourself into a hole?” I laughed again.
“Yes!” He stared straight ahead, but now he was smiling, looking so much more relaxed than he had a second ago. I studied his strong profile a moment too long.
“How’s your shoulder?”
“Ninety percent.”
“So what’s next?”
“Getting into college,” he answered.
“What about tennis?” I realized I was sitting ramrod straight in his car and I should at least try to look relaxed. I leaned back and looked over at him, my cheek resting against the seat.
He suddenly started talking. “We’ve always played tennis to help us get into the best college possible, then for a brief moment it was about potentially going pro—which is why I went to Florida. Now it’s just to get into college.”
“But why would that be a problem? You’re in AP English. You’re smart.” I couldn’t quite figure out what he was saying.
“I have to go where I can get the best financial aid.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t meant to make him embarrassed. The silence hung awkwardly between us. He glanced at me quickly, like he was trying to put his finger on something.
“What about you?” he asked. “Where am I going, by the way?”
“Just drive me to Mozart’s, please. You know, the coffee shop on the lake? I can walk home from there.”
“I can drive you.”
“No, I’m going to do some homework there.” I knew I sounded like I didn’t want him to know where I lived.
He was a fast driver and we were almost there. This time alone together would be over soon. In spite of myself I wanted to know more about him while I had the chance.
“So, what about you?” he persisted. I looked at him, confused.
That’s what’s odd. She doesn’t blink.
I blinked.
Okay, so maybe I’m wrong.
“I want to get into UT,” I said automatically.
“Have you ever wanted to go out of state?” he asked, genuinely curious. He was thinking about how the article said the group all stayed in Austin, always remaining near each other.
“No. We’re big UT supporters.” You could say that again, if it meant donating millions of dollars.
He looked at me curiously. He surprised me by starting to laugh.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“Nothing. It’s funny this is the first time we’ve talked since Barton Springs.”
I didn’t laugh. I put up the armor immediately.
Am I supposed to pretend it never happened? That feels ridiculous.
“It’s just a bad memory,” I said, surprising myself.
“How did you know about your sister?” he finally asked.
I folded my hands in my lap and stared out the window, trying to work out what I was going to say.
“Haven’t you ever had a premonition?” I asked. “It was like that. I felt like…I don’t know. Anyway, I shouldn’t have behaved so erratically.” All that was true.
It seemed like a hell of a lot more than a premonition. “Erratically? You saved her life,” he stated.
“Thank you. No one else saw it that way.” That was too much information.
“What about what happened with the metal? How did he do that?”
“I don’t know. It must have been old. What ended up happening with the police?” I asked, and then regretted it. It was the wrong thing to ask when we were in such close quarters, but I’d been wanting to know if it had been taken care of.
“They dismissed the charges. Now I’m working on getting my record expunged so legally I can say it never happened.” The tone shifted in the car again.
He was remembering how I’d allowed him to be arrested and charged.
Thankfully we’d arrived at our destination. “Can you pull up to the back parking lot?” I asked as we turned toward Mozart’s. It was steaming hot, so it was hard to explain why I would want to be that far from the entrance.
“I can drop you in front,” he said.
“Actually, how about right over there?” I pointed to the back corner of the lot.
He thought I was meeting someone I didn’t want him to see, and he suddenly felt like an idiot and thought I should have called my BMW boyfriend for a ride. I hadn’t realized he’d seen Angus at the tennis courts.
I know my family’s not rich, but I’ve never had a girl be ashamed to be seen with me.
He parked in an available spot as directed. Crap. I didn’t see them. I was sure they’d be here. I very slowly and deliberately began to gather my things. He watched my every movement, not quite believing I was in his space, knowing I’d be gone for good in a second and we’d probably never be alone like this again. I put my hand on the car door, pensive and frustrated. He waited for me to say something first, beginning to pick up on my odd behavior and wondering why I was suddenly so reluctant to leave the car.
I couldn’t stall anymore. “Thank you for the ride.”
“No problem.”
Dammit. He would be gone in one second, and he wouldn’t see them.
I opened the door, and a car next to us pulled out. I saw them, parked right in view of us. I paused and stared, knowing John would look over.
It took a second for him to grasp that we were looking at Sarah and Tom. They were in Sarah’s car, their lips locked. I felt him put all the pieces together. Everything made sense—why the whole school seemed to be talking behind his back. Everyone knew about his girlfriend and his good friend except for him.
Sarah and Tom looked up, sensing they were being watched. I had the pleasure of seeing their faces register that they were caught. And that John and I were in a car together.
Again I had the urge to rescue him and help him save face. Out of nowhere I moved closer and took the sides of his face in both my hands—the first time I’d voluntarily touched an outsider. I made him look at me, staring into his brown eyes, which I saw were flecked with gold.
“Forget them. They aren’t worth it. You’re so much better than they are.” My words were forceful and honest, but I kept my touch soft because I wanted to act for Sarah and Tom’s benefit. I felt a sudden surge of attraction.
“Let’s go,” I coaxed. I backed off, not believing I’d just done that and not liking what I’d felt. I needed to catch my breath. Without sparing another look at Sarah and Tom, John reversed and exited the parking lot.
“Take a right. Here, on Scenic.” Mansions lined the tree-shrouded, winding road, all of it passing by in a blur. This wasn’t part of my plan. I didn’t know what I was doing.
“Um, here is fine.” I couldn’t help that I seemed nervous. John pulled over where I gestured—a small, manicured dirt parking space at the side of the road, near the front entrance gate. It was a service person’s spot.
“Thank you for the ride. I just figured you wanted to get out of there….”
I didn’t ask if he was okay. It would have been the final straw if he thought I felt sorry for him.
I opened the door, feeling a little sick. My face turned bright red. “I just wanted to say, I’m sorry I lied about Barton Springs.” As soon as I said it, I shook my head, knowing I needed to stop. “Any
way…bye.”
I waited for an appropriate response from him, but all he did was nod, and I was left feeling like I was on uneven footing. As I got out of the car and closed the door behind me, I tried to read his mind. Nothing happened.
The next morning I walked to English class later than usual, wanting to dodge John in case he decided to question me about how I’d led him to Tom and Sarah. As I approached the classroom, I realized someone inside was talking about me.
“She was in his car?”
“That’s what I heard. God, she’s so pretty, but scary pretty. I bet she could eat Sarah.”
That made me laugh. How the hell had I ended up embroiled in gossip with one of the kings of the school? And just when people had stopped staring so much.
“Do you think they’ll get together?”
“I don’t know….”
“Why the hell is she even here?”
I stopped listening when I realized John and his brother were walking right behind me. I had learned John’s brother’s name was Alex, and I knew he was just a year younger—similar to the age difference between Liv and me. I’d seen him from afar and knew exactly who he was after hearing talk about the Fords.
“Dude, you have to deal with her at some point,” Alex was saying. “Do you even care?”
“I care that she lied to me. And that she didn’t break up with me because it made her life exciting. Maybe if I had known about this last year when I was away and so into her, I would have been crushed. Now, though, it’s not going to be hard to forget about her.”
“Damn, you’re cold. So now the way is clear for Julia Jaynes….” Quickly I realized Alex was joking.
Sarah was waiting by the entrance to our classroom. Face-to-face, she had the nerve to give me a dirty look. She couldn’t be serious.
“John.” Sarah looked past me, her eyes red and puffy.
“You don’t need to say anything.” John passed me and looked like he was going to head straight into the classroom, but Sarah blocked his way.