Select Page 8

  Every day, I kept my head down while progressing from one period to another, skipping lunch to read in the library, sitting through two more classes, then going to tennis practice. After tennis I’d find dinner somewhere, linger, and then go home. When I arrived, people in the house made themselves scarce.

  I could go a full day without having one conversation. After spending hours in my room, waiting in vain for Liv to come apologize or at least check on me, I’d fall asleep, sometimes before dark, the exhaustion a result of the sheer amount of effort it took to manage the sensory overload of the day. And then I’d wake up and hit repeat.

  If I had felt alone a year ago when the separation into groups had happened, that didn’t come close to this. I still had friends then, and I had maintained a close relationship with my sister.

  Not one of my friends tried to contact me. Why did they all hate me? I was playing into it by steering clear, acting like I wasn’t one of them, as if I had done something very, very wrong. I was being a good girl and doing everything Novak asked.

  I bounced the ball a couple of times and served to my teammate, who hit it into the net. I had to be careful not to laugh. Grace Ellen was one of the bitchiest players—and also a senior and one of the captains. I had to hand it to her: she didn’t act as if she was in awe of me at all. Grace Ellen wanted to bring me down.

  “Okay, ladies. Five minutes for a water break,” said Coach Kim, a youngish woman who had played for UT. She was easily steamrollered by the girls, and there was a general sense that the inmates ran the asylum.

  Like a spoiled brat, my opponent walked away without a word and didn’t bother returning the shot I’d just fired off. Reluctantly I left the court, not wanting to deal with the inevitably social water break, which was always more like ten minutes.

  “What is he doing here?” one of the girls asked in surprise, and gestured with her chin. Everyone was grabbing their water bottles from the bleachers, crowding into the small slice of shade. I stood alone, twenty feet away from the group, but I could hear them clearly.

  “No way,” someone said dramatically. “He’s not playing on the boys’ tennis team?” Toweling off, I couldn’t help but look in the direction the girls were staring.

  “His brother said he has an injury, so maybe he can’t play at his level anymore or whatever.”

  “Alex told me that’s why John left that Florida academy. Something’s wrong with his shoulder.”

  “Who is he?” A freshman girl on the JV team dared to speak and then instantly looked like she regretted it.

  One of the seniors filled her in. “John Ford. He’s a senior. He was at a tennis academy in Florida, and I think he was maybe hoping to go pro? But he wasn’t good enough or he got injured. So he’s back this year.” I noticed an unusual silence in the group as everyone watched him serve. You could barely see the ball, he slammed it so hard.

  “He’s got a cannon,” someone said in awe. “I heard he hit one thirty-five.” That meant nothing to me, but, watching, I couldn’t help but be impressed.

  “Damn. How do you get two kids from the same family who are that hot and that good at tennis?” someone wondered aloud. Funny—they were words I’d heard people say about my family forever. How do you get people who are so wealthy and smart and athletic and attractive? I definitely did not consider myself included when I’d heard that last speculation.

  “Sarah said John’s parents are stressed about him getting a tennis scholarship after being kicked out of the academy. And then he was just arrested….” The air became uncomfortable when, paranoid, they looked over at me, wondering if there was a remote possibility I could hear what they were saying.

  I stared back impassively, and anyone who turned in my direction looked away quickly. I knew I must look jarring—heavily made-up smoky eyes and tattoos in contrast with my pristine, sporty tennis outfit. It was fun standing up to these people in a way that was harder to do with my friends. But I was annoyed by the interruption in the conversation. I found myself wanting to know more details about John.

  “Come on, y’all! Back with your partners. Let’s go!” Clap clap. Everyone reluctantly unwound themselves, took a last drink, and stood up. I watched John hit another shot. I couldn’t tell he was injured at first, but then I saw him favor one shoulder. That’s why he’d been testing it when we sat in the police station. Wow, I’d ruined his tennis career too. He must have reinjured it when he pulled Liv from the water.

  “Pretty impressive, huh?” I looked up in surprise when one of the tennis-team girls spoke to me. She was a senior at the bottom of the ladder but firmly held a place in the clique. I remembered her name was Meredith.

  “Especially if he’s injured. He doesn’t play with the team?” I asked in spite of myself. Luckily everyone was suddenly more focused on John than on me for once.

  “No. Never. He and his younger brother have always had private coaches. And then John was gone last year….” She trailed off and looked past my shoulder. “Is that…person…waiting for you?”

  I glanced around, uninterested. “Grace Ellen?” I asked. My tennis partner was dragging herself back to our court. It was hot and humid, but Jesus she was dramatic.

  “No. That guy. In the BMW? Over there.”

  I whirled around to look. Unbelievably I recognized the familiar BMW, a new car that looked like it had been through a war. I was so relieved, I could have cried. It felt like someone had decided to come get me out of jail. Angus rolled down the window and stared straight at me, dark sunglasses on and loud music trailing out of the car. I remembered I was mad at him, but in spite of myself I had to admit he looked like a handsome badass.

  “He is.” Heads turned to watch me as I jogged over to the car.

  When I reached it, I slowed and crossed my arms across my chest. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Get in.” He looked all around.

  “I can’t!” I gestured around me.

  “Look,” he said, frustrated now. “Just get in for a second.” He took off his sunglasses, revealing those electric eyes, and reached over with a long arm and opened the passenger door. He looked different. More conservative. There were no uniforms in the upper school, so Angus usually wore jeans and whatever band T-shirt he felt like wearing. But today his curls were brushed and he was wearing an untucked button-down. This was something one of Liv’s A-group boyfriends would wear.

  I felt all eyes on my back as I reluctantly climbed into the car. “I have about one minute.” As pissed as I was, it was so good to see him. It made my stomach ache with longing to know he got to drive away from here and go back to my old life. Like a child, I wouldn’t look at him. I made the mistake of glancing out the window, though, and I already saw a few people pointing.

  “Nice outfit,” he said, laughing at me. “What is this look? Goth tennis-Barbie?”

  “Shut up.”

  “Do they stare at you all the time?” I could feel Angus trying to get me to look at him.

  “I think they’re getting used to me maybe.”

  “How are you?” He made his voice buttery-soft and gentle, like he used to when we were alone.

  “Fine.”

  “Really?” he scoffed. Silence. Then, “We miss you.”

  I looked over at him. I snapped. “If that’s true, then why haven’t any of you said a word to me? What happened to family coming first?”

  “At first we were mad at you. What were you thinking, Julia? Wow. And you really humiliated Liv.”

  “I don’t know. I was off my game.” Angus saw my face burn red and lifted the back of his hand to my cheek. He seemed thrown for a moment when our eyes met.

  Angus dropped his hand and dragged his gaze away to stare straight ahead. He continued, “When Liv was fine and the whole thing with the cops blew over, we tried. You know we all went to Novak to ask for you to come back, right?” When he saw my look, he said, “No one told you? Yeah, we—most of the group from Barton Springs and even George—
went to Novak.”

  “What happened?” I suddenly felt one hundred percent better knowing my friends had fought for me. It was the first thing that had made sense since that day.

  “Novak shut us down. We aren’t supposed to communicate with you. Which is bullshit. So that’s why I’m here. To check on you. I also need to talk to you.” He angled his body so he was facing me now, arm going around the back of my seat.

  “Wait, what do you mean you’re not supposed to communicate with me?”

  “We aren’t supposed to go near you,” Angus stated matter-of-factly.

  “What did he say exactly?” Now I looked Angus full in the face. I had been surprised he would come here, but now I realized it was safer than him being seen with me in front of our own people. The thought enraged me.

  “Novak laid down the law. We aren’t allowed to go near you. He said you’re being punished for stepping out of line and we should all be careful or the same will happen to us.” Angus waited for my reaction.

  I had been happy one second ago for the first time in weeks. Now I felt humiliated. And scared.

  “Julia, it was a fuckup—not the rescue, but the rest of it. He’s making an example of you to show that even his own daughter needs to follow the rules. It probably also helps him for you to blend in here to make us look normal. It buys us some time.”

  “And of course it’s easiest for me to do,” I said bitterly. I was slipping; I never brought up that I looked different. And it was an unspoken rule that no one else was allowed to bring it up either.

  He was quiet for a moment. “Don’t worry—you’re coming back. I think it’s a bullshit scare tactic. What would he really do? Leave his own daughter behind? I mean, how can any of us go from that to this?” He gestured out the window at the school beyond. “Alone, trying all the time not to get caught.”

  Angus changed the subject. “Look, Liv’s been telling me things she shouldn’t—about stuff they’re learning.”

  “She what?” While of course I wanted to know anything about what Liv and the other kids were learning, I couldn’t believe she would talk out of turn and break the rules. And Angus was right there to take advantage.

  “Actually, Liv’s worried about us. You know how we start to have abilities at the beginning of adolescence and they come into full expression by early adulthood—eighteen or nineteen? We all kind of guessed that. But then the freaky part…Liv might have overheard that if we don’t use our abilities during this growth period, they just never develop.”

  I was already shaking my head. “That’s not what we were told. She misunderstood. She ‘might have’ heard. They just said they’d delay our training.”

  Angus wasn’t finished. “Do you know what else Liv told me? Novak’s teaching them how to move objects. Liv was so excited that she moved a pencil a quarter of an inch. And I’m not sure the others in her group are much better.”

  He paused. “Julia, I’m beginning to wonder…I don’t know, what if Novak didn’t pick our groups at random? You and me…we were incredible at Barton Springs. And the boys—they aren’t like us, but they’re getting better. It’s like Liv’s group’s on training wheels while we’re competing at the X Games.” Angus stared blankly into the parking lot. “What if we’re the talented ones and he wants to take it away from us? Make what we have go away?”

  “Why would he do that?” I was ready to blow him off.

  “I don’t know. Maybe he thinks we’re harder to control and we’ll get everyone caught. And he’s right. Look what happened at Barton Springs. But, still, you fucking saved Liv’s life and now look where you are.”

  I studied Angus. It was true that no one had ever acknowledged that fact.

  “We both had something happen that day,” Angus said shortly. “I’ve never had that kind of strength. It felt like an electrical charge went through my body to those bars and then to that cop. You can’t tell me that wasn’t high-level shit. Maybe Novak doesn’t want us to have what he has. Maybe it’s a power play disguised as covering our tracks. He’s practically worshipped because he’s been the only one for years.”

  “No, Novak put us in groups because he wants to keep us safe, Angus.” I sounded like I was trying to convince myself.

  “Has anything happened to you since Barton Springs?”

  “Not since I’ve been here.” Just my little tricks to keep me calm, but I wasn’t going to admit to that. “You?” I asked, almost jealously.

  “No, I’ve been…distracted.”

  “I’m sure Liv and the others are being shown things we can only imagine,” I said.

  “I don’t know. Maybe Liv isn’t the next leader like Novak says. We choose based on ability, and if Liv’s really only moving a pencil, she’s not looking so good. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but if there’s any truth to what Liv said, I want to know what I have and I don’t want to lose it. If we’re the last, why shouldn’t we go out with a bang?”

  “Well, I think your theory is wrong. Novak is too busy to know what each kid is capable of.”

  “He knows everything,” Angus said shortly.

  “And he wouldn’t undermine his own daughter.”

  Angus looked at me almost kindly, and with some pity in his voice said, “Yeah, but you’re the wrong daughter.”

  That sat between us like a bomb.

  Angus indolently lit a cigarette. “I’m supposed to meet your sister,” he said vaguely, as if remembering that part of his life.

  So they were together. I had been afraid to know for sure. It really was the final blow. “He’s letting you near the princess?” I said snidely, getting him back by reminding him of his status as well.

  Angus looked at me hard, growing cold. “He doesn’t know.”

  “He knows everything,” I said, using Angus’s own words right back at him.

  For a second Angus looked at me like he wanted to explain or even apologize. For what? The mixed signals he had sent all summer and even today? That he’d chosen my beautiful younger sister? Then his mood shifted. “Your coach is going to yell for you in five seconds.”

  I hated myself for asking, but I needed to know one more thing before I lost him. “Did Liv go with you to my dad? To try to get me out of here?”

  Angus paused before giving a small shake of his head, knowing he was delivering bad news. Then he reached across me and opened the door, signaling he was done. I turned to get out, annoyed he had dismissed me but also scared to cut off contact. I stepped out of the car and numbly closed the door behind me.

  The coach had her hands cupped to her mouth and was yelling to me. I didn’t say good-bye or look back. I kept walking. I began to process what he’d told me—that I was an official outcast, that my sister, the one person I had always loved, no longer wanted me around. And then he’d planted seeds of doubt about my father’s noble intentions where we were concerned. I could feel myself edging toward panic.

  “Julia!” Angus called out from behind me. “I’m sorry.” I heard him rev his engine, and then he was gone.

  Left with nothing, I walked back to Coach Kim, who was gesturing at me to follow her to a set of bleachers closer to where the boys were playing. I complied, walking over dead patchy grass and litter, not up for my first talking-to from an outsider.

  “You can’t just get in some boy’s car in the middle of practice,” she began. To my total humiliation I saw John standing within earshot, bouncing a ball with his racket, looking like he was waiting to be told what to do next.

  “Ford. What’s up, man?” A stocky, sandy-haired boy walked up to him. “What are you doing here?”

  “Hey, man. Rehabbing my shoulder. How’s it going?” I pretended to give the coach my attention and I did listen to her, but I could follow the two conversations simultaneously.

  “All good. Have you heard from the big schools? UT, Duke?” The boy scratched his nose and tried to act nonchalant.

  John lowered his voice as if he didn’t want me to hear. “No, you
?”

  “Nah, just Michigan and Princeton.”

  “Damn. That’s awesome.”

  “They’ve been circling you forever. They’ll be all over you as soon as you kick ass again on Saturday,” the other boy said.

  “Hopefully,” John said noncommittally.

  “How’s Alex playing?”

  “Great.” John sounded proud and amazed. “He really likes his new coach. Well, he’s my coach too, but he wants me to practice out here for now while I’m in PT.”

  “Do you like the new coach?”

  “No,” John said flatly. The other kid laughed, and I sensed John’s smile.

  “John!” The boys’ high school coach came over and slapped John’s sweaty back. “Why don’t you and Pete play for a bit?”

  John’s whole demeanor instantly changed to business-like.

  “John?” Pete looked at him warily, his demeanor also changing since they were about to be opponents.

  “Yeah. Sure. Let me just get a drink real quick and lace up my shoes.” He sounded resigned, like he was a soldier going into battle. He’d clearly stopped feeling any kind of joy for the game.

  John turned and realized his water bottle was in my vicinity, but he couldn’t change course now.

  “Got it?” Thankfully Coach Kim had finished her lecture.

  “Yes.” I nodded, reassuring her. She walked back to the girls, expecting me to follow, but I needed a second to catch my breath and sort through what Angus had unloaded. I looked down at my arms and legs, which were now entirely covered with the rash. I was surprised the coach hadn’t said anything. And of course now John was the closest he’d been since Barton Springs.

  “Excuse me,” he said, his first words to me since that day. He reached right next to my side and swept up a scratched pink water bottle.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. Why was I apologizing? Ever since I got out of Angus’s car I’d felt shell-shocked, and here I sat out in the open with a full-blown rash. It was bad—blisters with whiteheads all over. No one else besides me had ever seen it this bad before.